Today, I read Chapter 35 of Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren.The name of the chapter is "God's Power In Your Weakness". As I was reading it, it entered mehn and the "Question to Consider" said; Am I limiting God's power in my life by trying to hide my weaknesses? What do I need to be honest about in order to help others?
The truth is I am weak, I go on everyday because I know that God got me and He is leaving me alive for a purpose. Everytime I notice one improvement I get so happy and that motivates me more to write about Jesus to you everytime. I know that you can think that I'm so strong and it's good for me, sometimes I ask people if they will do if stroke happens to them, they always say "I will just die" or something else that can keep my spirit down for a moment but I know that God allowed it for a purpose. Sometimes I sit down and think that I can't wait for me to walk alright, and write normally, I can't wait for me to go to Lagos and continue my life, but I've decided that I will go to Lagos anyway, before April I will get better more than this, in april I can do all sort of things with my right hand. I too have fears and weaknesses and I will list some of it one by one and the possible solutions that I've given to the weakness;
1. I have the fear of acceptance, i'm scared that they wont accept me when I come to lagos, that they will think I have come to burden them, at work and at the house but in every problem you have to have a solution. That's why I postponed my coming to enable me to work hard for my hand and leg so that I know I'm well enough and to save money for my coming, I need money to live in Lagos, I won't go back broke, I have to save enough money to live on that's why i'm selling satin bonnets and my braiding business.
2. I sometimes don't agree with my mom, before, I will shout and she will shout, we will quarrel, and I've decided to not shout back again and she too have not been shouting, whenever she says something on the stroke that I think I can't do it, I say No and she doesn't argue anymore, but sometimes I get worried that it will get to the former state again.
3. I get the fear that I won't get back to what I was, I get worried that I'll be limping all my life like Jacob and nobody will not like me that I won't get married like this, so I pray that I wont be limping that God has said He will make me a new person, better than before, but the feeling lingers and I fight it with the right information, I listen to encouraging messages and I get encouragement from the message, I think that what God has for me is so big, bigger than me, His plans for me are for my good not for my failure, so I'm assured that I will recover the use of my hand and I will run in no time. I don't even get embarrassed when I'm with my friends, it takes alot of guts for me to feel ok when we hang out or when I go to their house and when I go to shops to market my satin caps.
I've shared my weakness and again don't you think it took guts to share my past life? To share with you the bisexualism, how I slept with a married guy, the drugs, and the details of it in my book that I've finished writing and it's going through editing, not caring what my family will say,it took guts, it took the holy spirit to give me the courage to reveal all my past life because I know that God wants to use it to help people. So if you are weak, God wants to use you for His glory, He wants to separate you from the whole world and mould your weakness into strength. He gave me the strength that i'm walking in today. Don't forget God loves you no matter what.